no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
