how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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