Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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