I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
