is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
