Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
