You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
