He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
