So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
