i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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