I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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