look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm at about main and main street
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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