Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
