I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize