Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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