Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
