I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize