Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
