Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
