So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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