The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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