I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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