Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
