I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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