i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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