Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Even my vagina gasped.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
