take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
