i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
