guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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