I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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