We're facebook friends in real life
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
