hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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