So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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