you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize