that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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