If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize