some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
