We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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