The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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