He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
