Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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