You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
