Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
