Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
