just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
