She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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