Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
"it" just moved
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
