i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
