I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
