Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
