Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
