I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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