we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
