and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
