I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
