Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
