When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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