i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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