This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
