Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
