I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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