So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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