Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
