Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He passed out mid-signature
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize