I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
no you cant smoke seaweed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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