I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want her autograph on my taint
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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