What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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