Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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