I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
