How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
