I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
