If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
