dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
