If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
