My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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