forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
