glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize