She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
