so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
