No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
