My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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