you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
either way he was missing a nipple.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
