you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
