In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
