Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wear drunk well.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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