i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
