So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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