i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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