She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize