I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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