i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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