You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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