Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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