I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
